Pocket Ninjas


“The fiercest fighting force under four feet.” That’s a lot of effs.

The poster art is extremely misleading. It’s even worse than it appears. Those aren’t even the ninja outfits they wear.
Not to be confused with that other early ’90s kids movie about the three kids who are crime fighting ninjas. This set of ninjas has a girl in the mix. *gasp* A curve ball.

Also like other films of this unique genre three preteens become Pocket Ninjas when their sensei gives them brightly painted masks and gives them a mission to bring down local mob boss Cubby Khan. For some reason these little idiots can’t figure out their sensei is the infamous crime fighting ninja White Dragon that’s been in the newspapers lately. The sensei is played by Gary Daniels who is an actual kick-boxing champion and in the upcoming live-action Tekken movie.

For a villain we get Cubby Khan who is possibly even younger than the Pocket Ninjas and whose idea of getting ready for a war is kicking the shit out of half his small group of henchmen. The majority of the movie is training and stretching montages with the same recycled footage to some really awful music.

The balloon factory fight scene has to be the worst piece of cinematography ever created. Apparently to get the sweet job of “Balloon Inflator” you have to be a clown. Robert Z’Dar as Cobra Khan actually bounces on one regular balloon and it doesn’t pop. The second sign of the apocalypse. You know who I’m talking about because him and his giant chin have been in EVERYTHING. Kudos to any director who can fit his entire punum in one frame.

This movie is absolutely ridiculous. In one scene the Pocket Ninjas roller skate up to some muggers and commence doing high kicks. It currently holds the number one spot on IMBd’s Bottom 100, a list of the worst films of all time. Trust me, it really deserve the ranking.

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About Rilla

Deathologist and professional muser by day. Freelance psychopomp and roustabout by night.
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