Chopping Mall


“Where shopping can cost you an arm and a leg.”

Made in 1986 and blending themes from science-fiction and slasher films this is honestly one of my favorite movies. The poster art, the plot and the title are very reminiscent of the young adult book series Fear Street by R. L. Stine.

The Park Place Mall is the cutting edge in security. Patrolled by 3 security robots at night equipped with tasers, lasers and plastic explosives. The entrances are also sealed off by super titanium walls or some such nonsense. Some teenagers who work at a few of the various establishments decide to have an after hours party in the furniture store. Drinking and boning in the showroom beds is the plan. Unfortunately the same night lightning strikes the master computer on the roof causing the robots to malfunction and go on a murderous rampage.
They may be having technical difficulties but the killbots haven’t lost their sense of humor or irony. Uttering, “Thank you. Have a nice day,” every time they kill someone is proof of that.

Linda: “I guess I’m just not used to being chased around a mall in the middle of the night by killer robots.”

Among some of the famous faces in this awesomely bad movie are Kelli Maroney from Night of the Comet and Barbara Crampton. Like her role in Re-Animator Barbara Crampton shows her boobs and has a subsequent breakdown when shit starts to hit the fan. If I was a preteen boy in the ’80s I would’ve had such a huge boner for Babs. Unlike her co-star Suzee Slater, Barbara has nice yabos.

Rick: “Let’s go send those fuckers a Rambo-gram.”

One of the first to die is a janitor played by Dick Miller who has been in almost everything and, I fear, is vastly under appreciated. The worst thing in the entire movie has to be the insufferable gum chewing Mike. A walking stereotype who whose final word is “Dude.” Next to go is his equally terrible girlfriend Leslie (the aforementioned Suzee Slater), a living Barbie doll who doesn’t allow cunnilingus.

Ferdy: “What’s that?”
Rick: “Robot blood.”

The formula for this movie seems to be, “You’ll only survive the night if your significant other does.”

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About Rilla

Deathologist and professional muser by day. Freelance psychopomp and roustabout by night.
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